There is no neon moon to find because its in within .

april 2025.

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How many tears did you shed in the shadows,
without anyone to see the weight of your soul?
How many lives did you bury within yourself
just to carve a path through the blinding beam of the neon moon?
That light wasn’t meant to guide you; it was meant to blind you,
to burn you out until all that remained was a fading outline of who you used to be.

We all have that moment,
the one that leaves you hollowed out.
That one sentence—so light, so fleeting—
a whisper, but its echoes? They crush,
settling in places you thought were safe,
places where you believed nothing could ever hurt you again.

I spent years building walls,
reinforcing the cracks,
but every brick I laid was a lie I told myself.
I thought if I just opened enough,
if I let someone see the darkest parts of me,
maybe they’d understand—
maybe they’d love the broken pieces that I tried to hide.
But the truth? The truth is a shadow you can never outrun,
and the ghosts you think you’ve locked away?
They never truly leave.
They gnaw at you in silence,
devouring the warmth you once had,
turning your soul into a bitter, hollow thing.

This time, it was things infront of eyes slowly lingered,
ate me like a vulture wholly 
mocking the very foundation of what I thought I had built.
I somehow always predicted it but till this extent never,
but it tore through everything,
ripping the ground beneath me,
leaving me to crumble where I stood.

I thought I was building something worthy of belonging,
something real by trying beyond hard to observe, to beg, to adjust, to keep mum,
but in the end, I was just trying to survive
in a place that never truly cared.
I let myself be reshaped,
chasing approval from places I was never meant to belong.
I pushed my limits until I lost myself,
my voice drowned out by the noise around me,
until I became a ghost, a lifeless hollow numb person.
wandering through my own life,
lost in roads I no longer recognized with a mind thats loud all day to bleed my ears.
crossed sanity crossed my thinking I went beyond and above saw myself alone in it, getting kicked out spit out abandoned into
Still believed that love was worth this cost,
even as it tore me apart and i understood that no love and no hand can anymore pat me.

The truth I buried so deep,
the truth that never left my skin,
I felt it slipping away with every attempt to change,
to wash away the pain.
I bled out pieces of myself,
bits of who I was,
hoping someone would pick them up,
but all they did was slip through my fingers,
until I was left with nothing but an empty shell.

But the hardest truth to swallow,
the one that sank deeper than any wound—
no one was coming to save me.
Not from the ghosts of my own mind,
not from the scars I hid so well.
"CO2"wasn’t meant for me,and in the end, I realized—I was always going to be left there,

alone with my thoughts,
drowning in the noise of my own self-doubt.

I tried to unsee it,
to pretend it wasn’t real,
but the truth was too loud,
too clear.
I knew that it was never about me doubting others,
it was about me doubting myself all along.
I ignored the signs, the emotional the abusive the physical the non verbal signs
but now they are etched into me.
I know I will never be the same again.
I know I will be worse,
because what I thought I knew—
all the years spent in the dark—
was never meant for me.

Time will pass,
and life will force its way forward,
but I’ll be left here,
in the same place,
standing on the same broken ground.
No apology will heal me,
no gesture will make it right.
I have to face the truth,
that I am the only one who can save me.
It’s the hardest lesson,
but the most necessary one:
you have to stare into your own reflection,

There’s no neon moon, It’s always been within.

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